That’s the last time I checked how many friends I have on facebook.
So how come, 90% of the times when I want to take a walk on a Sunday afternoon I am just by myself?
I enjoy being around people probably as much as you do. But after college, even though I understand that life changes, I wished I would still have a rich social life.
Enjoying life is no ordinary skill but I see too many people mixing the concept of becoming older, with “not having fun anymore”.
I like people and I like going out, I like partying and I like sports, I enjoy photography and spirituality and a thousand other things but, unfortunately, I see too many people around me getting older way to soon.
Actually, let me re-phrase that: I see too many people that consider themselves old way too soon.
There’s a lot of 25-30 and 40 years old out there thinking they are way too old for anything.
(After a dinner) “There is this really cool club near here, who would like to come?”
The answer are usually always the same:
“Still clubbing?” (I’m 29 years old not 92.)
“Well you know, tomorrow I have to wake up early…(what is everybody doing on a sunday afternoon at 7 am these days???)”
“You wanna go dancing? I’m not in college anymore man…” (Are the two things even connected?)
“I’m kinda tired…you know…” (22 years old at 11 pm?)
Lack of social skills, mediocrity in the way we treat each other, lazyness, selfishness and ignorance are (in my opinion) the viruses that are taking down this planet.
Nowadays we have iphones, ipads, flat screen tvs, wireless internet connection and a ton of other “stuff” but….
ARE WE HAPPIER THAT 20 YEARS AGO?
I’m not so sure.
Yes we live a more confortable life and I would love that medical device to save my life if I need it but it seems that the goal of “human progress” has led towards comfort rather than overall happiness.
And since happiness has a lot to do with the way we treat each other, it seems non sense that we spend so much time on learning math and other subjects in school instead of how to treat each other.
“How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie, a master piece of “humanity 101” and the 2nd best seller of all time just after the Bible. This book thought me more than 10 years of school.
Can you imagine if the goal of human activities would be overall happiness instead of comfort and profit, what the world would be?
But let’s go back to “friendship”.
If I could have 3 wishes, I already now what one would be. The ability to keep all my friends from the past.
Too many people, and when I say “too many” I mean 95% of the people, leave most friendships behind as easily as they throw garbage outside of their house.
You may not agree for a variaty of reasons. If you do so, try to answer this:
“When was the last time you talked with your best friend from middle school?”
“And your 3 best friends from high school?”
“How about your ex or your first love?”
The worse thing about this is that people seem to not care about it that much and just accept this behavior as a part of life. Is it? Or is just a way to hide behind our indifference and mediocrity?
I always try to bring back ex classmates together, invite people from my ex soccer teams to watch games together and so on.
9 out of 10 times it doesn’t work.
It seems like I have to push people to “still have some fun”.
Over the years I developed my own cheesy catch phrase that I use to end conversations with old friends too caught up on “mummy mode”:
“That’s ok, I don’t wanna push anybody over the bridge of happiness…maybe next time”.
You may be thinking. “Have you ever thought that maybe it’s you, maybe you’re not that nice”.
Asking these questions is healthy, mature and I think we should do it more often.
I did ask myself the question but the answer that makes more sense to me is that people is lazy and often times afraid to see an “old friend” because most of the times they don’t know how to handle the situation emotionally, they feel a sense of discomfort, they are not to proud of the life they have, the car they use or their position at work.
You know what? I absoultey understand that and even though I am a human being and by default I am designed to judge things, people and situations (cause of survival) I try not to judge, instead I focus on “understanding” and making the person in front of me feel good about themself.
Life is quite complicated on this planet and most people don’t live the life the want but the life that “happend”.
Don’t mean to be to harsh but same goes with relationships. Most people are together with whom was “romantically available” at a certain time, more than their ideal partner.
And you know what? I understand that too.
It seems so hard to find a decent human being with which we can relate to, that when we find one, we get attached to her/him like glue because it seems like a miracle that won’t ever happen again.
And we are so afraid to loose that person and remain alone again that we compromise on our dreams, rationalize it and accept a decent tolerable relationship rather than wait for the “right one”.
“People rather be unhappy than uncertain”.
I feel your pain. I know it’s not easy.
But let’s go back to the main topic, which is “Friendship”. Because all of the above is no excuse to not keep in touch with old friends and have a more socially fullfilling life.
With that said, there are cultures which are more inclined to be “social” like Americans, Canadians, Spanish, Brazilians vs French, Italians, Scandinavians and ex Jugoslavians (in my personal experience).
Enough of pointing out and complaining though. I tryed to organize dinners, facebook groups, sport gathers and various activities but there’s always the same 4-5 showing up, if they are….how about the other 150 that could enjoy us and have a good time?
Should we just let go most of our “old friends” and accept it? Should we let go one of the most valuable assets in our existence?
Because, I would rather let go the iphone, the flatscreen tv and the internet.
Cheers to old and new friends.